Okay, people. In the interest of documenting my life, here’s something funny (to my husband and I, at least): The List. Or should I say #thelist and make it happen just as successfully as Gretchen Weiners made fetch happen

Anyway. Recently, my husband found this old list written on the back of an ATM receipt dated January 19, 2011, so it’s more than four years old now (look at me, doing first grade math!). Without further comment, here is #thelist:

In all its glory.In case you have trouble reading any of that, here’s what it says:

  • Magician
  • Clown/Mime
  • Contortionist
  • Sideshow freak stuff
  • Astrology
  • Ghost hunter
  • Paranormal researchers
  • Multiple murder experts
  • Green/farm school/rooftop farming
  • Crime/arson
  • EVIL

…what the actual fuck?

So, this is my handwriting. I definitely wrote down this odd assortment of vaguely related items. Neither I nor my husband have any recollection of what prompted me to write this list (aside from the fact that I love making lists). Judging from the location of the ATM on the other side of receipt, we were probably out having drinks at The Sackett. I sort of almost remember being there and writing these things down.

But why? WHY?? Maybe we were talking about TV show ideas or something? We may never know. But #thelist will live on forever, sending my husband and I into laughing fits every time we reach item #11, “green/farm school/rooftop farming.” I personally love item #10, “multiple murder experts.” That’s my M.A. in forensic psychology talking. I was not talking about a room full of several experts on murder; I was talking about experts on multiple murder. Oh no, I simply could not have written “murder experts” or “serial murder experts.” I apparently felt the need to get uber-specific. In the criminology field, there are different categories of murder in which more than one person is killed: serial, spree, mass, etc, and the item lumps these types of murder together. The way item #11 itself is written could help an expert come up with a profile of who wrote the thing. Sherlock would have a blast with #thelist.

Also noteworthy: the fact that I lumped together “clown/mime.” And then there’s the classic all-caps “EVIL.”

I’ll just leave you with the following classic video: